About two weeks ago, I made a rather unusual purchase. I was at Safeway.com, scrolling down the aisles, trying to keep my shopping cart from reaching the same limit as my bank account, when I came across what seemed like a tolerable substitute to my usual choice of New York steaks and flanken-style ribs. It is still in my freezer, so I will recite the label for you exactly as it reads on the packaging: "Twenty Quarter Pound Beef Patties - Smoke flavor added". The logo reads "Picnic Perfect". It resembles nothing so much as a frozen shoe box full of meat.
My first attempt at eating one of these failed. After Keithen and I had already put cheese and barbeque sauce on our Quarter Pound Beef Patties, I decided to make good use of some tomatoes and cucumbers and create a Mediterranean burger wrap. Needless to say, the combination of vegetables, cheese, barbeque sauce, and Smoke flavor did not sit well after the first few bites. I picked off the vegetables (I can't waste a good tomato!) and left the rest for the ancestors, with my humble apologies.
I've been avoiding the box in the freezer ever since - until tonight. This time, I planned it out from the beginning. First, I had Keithen season my Quarter Pound Beef Patty with paprika and cumin, instead of the previous Lawry's and Mrs. Dash. Then Keithen decided to flame-broil the Patties in my frying pan, by flipping them until the grease caught on fire. I suspect he was trying to burn away the smoke flavor. It worked pretty well. Unfortunately, in all the flipping and confusion of the smoke-filled kitchen, the two patties got mixed up. We turned off the fire and tried to determine which was which. They looked the same. They were too hot to taste-test, and one of them needed some cheese, stat, so we took a gamble. (I found out later that the only difference between them was pepper.)
My mystery-seasoned Patty in hand, I took out some leftover hummus from last week, spread it on a lightly-singed tortilla, and sliced up a cucumber. It was actually the other half of the cucumber from two weeks ago. I had to cut off some parts.
Well, if you're still here reading, and not running towards your bathroom holding back whatever the last thing you ate was, then you probably want to know how it turned out. I looked at my new creation, and wondered briefly what I should call it.
The Humbercumberito was born.
It needed pepper.
I give the Humbercumberito a 3.9 out of 10.
For the record, Keithen has been making something similar for several years and calls it a Mediterranean Burger. His uses fresh hamburger and other quality ingredients, and would probably warrant a 7 or 8 out of 10.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Boating with Margot and Tom
(This review is dedicated to my friend Margot, who, at the end of the day, said "I was afraid you were going to write a review of going fishing with us and give us, like a 2.5!")
Anyone who attended the Taurus Party this year may remember Tom insisting that I go fishing with him and Margot. What, you don't remember that? Well, I do, and I was surprised to find out on Tuesday that Tom did also. So, on Wednesday, I finally got to go fishing with Margot and Tom - something I've been wanting to do since they first got their boat.
The boat is an adorable vintage blue and white Bellboy. There are two and half seats, a sparkly steering wheel, and a radar fish-censor that seems to have the idea that most of the bay is 70 feet deep, which almost resulted in an unfortunate incident with some rocks. As I have said in past, I know nothing about boats, so I can't really tell you much more than that.
Wednesday was a sunny day on the bay. It was windy, though, and I seem to be allergic to air when it moves fast, so I picked up some generic Safeway allergy medicine on the way and spent most of the day somewhat high, staring at things a lot, and making comments that probably sounded even more random than usual. Wednesday was also my birthday.
On my birthday, I can't imagine anything I would rather do than hanging out with friends and fishing. Seriously. I can't think of anything.
It doesn't matter that we didn't catch any fish. If anything, the lack of fish made me want to go out with them again and show those fish who's boss. And it doesn't matter that Tom almost fell off the boat and died. It made me remember all the safety procedures he'd told me before we left the dock, and now I will never forget them.
I only hope that Tom doesn't think I'm bad luck for fishing now. Those fishermen can be very superstitious.
I give Fishing with Margot and Tom a 7.9 out of 10. (Well, we didn't catch anything.)
I give boating with Margot and Tom a 10 out of 10. I love you guys. And I don't know anyone else who has a boat.
Anyone who attended the Taurus Party this year may remember Tom insisting that I go fishing with him and Margot. What, you don't remember that? Well, I do, and I was surprised to find out on Tuesday that Tom did also. So, on Wednesday, I finally got to go fishing with Margot and Tom - something I've been wanting to do since they first got their boat.
The boat is an adorable vintage blue and white Bellboy. There are two and half seats, a sparkly steering wheel, and a radar fish-censor that seems to have the idea that most of the bay is 70 feet deep, which almost resulted in an unfortunate incident with some rocks. As I have said in past, I know nothing about boats, so I can't really tell you much more than that.
Wednesday was a sunny day on the bay. It was windy, though, and I seem to be allergic to air when it moves fast, so I picked up some generic Safeway allergy medicine on the way and spent most of the day somewhat high, staring at things a lot, and making comments that probably sounded even more random than usual. Wednesday was also my birthday.
On my birthday, I can't imagine anything I would rather do than hanging out with friends and fishing. Seriously. I can't think of anything.
It doesn't matter that we didn't catch any fish. If anything, the lack of fish made me want to go out with them again and show those fish who's boss. And it doesn't matter that Tom almost fell off the boat and died. It made me remember all the safety procedures he'd told me before we left the dock, and now I will never forget them.
I only hope that Tom doesn't think I'm bad luck for fishing now. Those fishermen can be very superstitious.
I give Fishing with Margot and Tom a 7.9 out of 10. (Well, we didn't catch anything.)
I give boating with Margot and Tom a 10 out of 10. I love you guys. And I don't know anyone else who has a boat.
Osha Thai Noodle on Geary
I've been to this Osha several times, and each time I leave with the same thought: "Why is this place so freaking popular?"
Here's my theory:
A) They are open late and close to several bars.
B) They don't completely suck.
C) There isn't a C. I just thought the list would sound more complete if I had a third positive thing to say about this place.
I know that almost no one will agree with me on this, but I don't like their food that much. I am huge fan of Thai food, but nothing I've ever eaten there has impressed me.
Today, I had lunch there with my dad and ordered a noodle soup -supposedly their specialty. I got the duck. It was all veiny and weird. I think it may also have been a little old - the meat had that multi-colored sheen on the surface that ham gets when it's been in the fridge too long, and it tasted slightly metallic. The broth was briney. My favorite part was the bean sprouts, and they were slightly overcooked.
Maybe I'm being too harsh on this place. It really isn't that bad, and, I realize most of their business probably comes from drunk people, and I'll admit I've never eaten there under the influence. Perhaps I should try.
Otherwise, the portions are big, and the atmosphere is pretty good, except for the annoying, loud techno music. (Possibly another reason why people like it so much.) The service, however, is worse every time I go.
As for the other Oshas, I haven't been to any of them, so I can't say anything about the chain as a whole.
If you're in that neighborhood during regular hours and looking for good Thai, I would recommend Ar Roi, which is a little pricier but feels worth it, or Chai Yo up on Polk street. It's a bit farther and the seating is cramped, but I've been there many times and was only disappointed once. (That is a story for another day.) The prices are good and the service is always friendly.
Osha Thai Noodle on Geary gets an overall 5 out of 10.
Service: 3
Food: 6.2
Atmosphere: 5
Here's my theory:
A) They are open late and close to several bars.
B) They don't completely suck.
C) There isn't a C. I just thought the list would sound more complete if I had a third positive thing to say about this place.
I know that almost no one will agree with me on this, but I don't like their food that much. I am huge fan of Thai food, but nothing I've ever eaten there has impressed me.
Today, I had lunch there with my dad and ordered a noodle soup -supposedly their specialty. I got the duck. It was all veiny and weird. I think it may also have been a little old - the meat had that multi-colored sheen on the surface that ham gets when it's been in the fridge too long, and it tasted slightly metallic. The broth was briney. My favorite part was the bean sprouts, and they were slightly overcooked.
Maybe I'm being too harsh on this place. It really isn't that bad, and, I realize most of their business probably comes from drunk people, and I'll admit I've never eaten there under the influence. Perhaps I should try.
Otherwise, the portions are big, and the atmosphere is pretty good, except for the annoying, loud techno music. (Possibly another reason why people like it so much.) The service, however, is worse every time I go.
As for the other Oshas, I haven't been to any of them, so I can't say anything about the chain as a whole.
If you're in that neighborhood during regular hours and looking for good Thai, I would recommend Ar Roi, which is a little pricier but feels worth it, or Chai Yo up on Polk street. It's a bit farther and the seating is cramped, but I've been there many times and was only disappointed once. (That is a story for another day.) The prices are good and the service is always friendly.
Osha Thai Noodle on Geary gets an overall 5 out of 10.
Service: 3
Food: 6.2
Atmosphere: 5
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